Beowulf: The Real Translation
by Kakita Ki
Summary: I was bored one day during English. We were reading Beowulf. This is the real translation of the book as translated by me.


Ki: I do not own Beowulf nor anything like Beowulf. I also do not own Trogdor. And yes, I am a good speller in real life, this is just ghetto.

Nathan: Good speller my...

Ki: Shhh! Im keeping this G rated here!

Nathan: [Gumble] You tell yourself that.

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OMG! Once there this Danish Dude who like wasn't Hamlet! Anyways, he was cool and stuff and everyone was all like,

"Yay!"

So he has some kids and the dies! ONO! So his son, Hrogoth or something became king and made a rockin mead house, Herot and all his soldiers were like

'Yay, free house party!"

And partied all night. So they got like sleepy and stuff and went to sleep. Then the grumpy old man monster, Grendel, went,

"Rawr!!11"

And ate people! Then all the people were like,

"Ahh! We leave!"

So they left Omg! The Grendel ran around and stuff. He was happy and ate people and was like.

"Yum"

So this dude, Beowulf, was all like,

"ONO!!1 Grendel bad!"

And got all his homies and sailed over to Daneland or wherever the Danes live. Denmark!. Where he lands and runs into this dude.

"Yo, who you?"

"I'm Beowulf foo. I'm gonna kill Grendel."

"Kay, bye foo."

So Beowulf and his homies walked along and then ran into this Swedish dude! Wulfgar! And he was all like,

"Hey foo! Who are you?!"

"I'm Beowulf foo. I'm gonna kill Grendel."

"Kay. Let me go talk to my king dude."

So Wulfgar goes and talks to Hrothgar, the king dude.

"Jo kingy. There's this Beowulf dude. Hes gonna kill Grendel."

"Woot, go get him."

"Kay."

So he goes to get Beowulf who comes in and is all like,

"OMG I rock. So I'm gonna kill Grendel."

"Mmm, Kay. Come party with us!"

So Beowulf and his homies were like,

"Mmm, mead."

Then this guy, Unferth, totally dissed Beowulf, but Beowulf totally told him off by saying he killed lots of mean mean fishies.

So then everyone had more mead and then the queen Welthow gave everyone even more mead! Beowulf was totally like,

"I'm gonna kill Grendel."

Hrothgar or whatever then got sleepy and left knowing Beowulf was gonna kill Grendal. Then Beowulf said while taking his armor off for bed was like,

"Haha, I rock Omg!"

And went to sleep.

So Grendel came and was like,

"Yummy."

And ate a dude and went to like eat Beowulf ono! But Beowulf totally woke up and grabbed Grendel and Grendel was all like,

"Ono!"

So Beowulf and Grendel fought and ran into the wall a lot but it was all okay because the builder dudes thought before hand that a giant monster would be hitting the walls and stuff so the building was all okay.

Then Beowulf totally almost killed Grendel and ripped his arm off! So Grendel ran away and died! Ono! So Beowulf hung his (Grendels) arm on the wall and everyone was like,

"W00t!"

And talked about this other dude, Siegmund, who was like Beowulf only everyone liked Beowulf more.

Then they had a big ass house party and Hrothgar was like,

"Dude Beowulf, you rock!"

And Beowulf was like,

"Ya, I know."

"Nah dude, you do rock."

And so Hrogoth gave Beowulf all these cool gifts like horses and stuff. Then he told this story but everyone was too busy drinking mead to pay attention.

Then Welthow made a toast to Beowulf and stuff and said,

"Yay!"

So they all gave him more gifts and a necklace. So the king and queen left and everyone went to bed wearing armor.

Then Grendels mommy came!!11 And totally ate a dude! And everyone was like,

"ONO! Grendels mom!"

Then Beowulf said,

"Nah, it's no problem. Me and Hrothgar can take her."

So they followed Grendels mom to this dirty lake which Beowulf jumped right into to! He swam down and then ran into (swam into?) Grendels mommy who dragged him to this cave. So they fought and stuff and then Beowulf saw this really rockin sword and chopped her head off.

He swam back up but everyone had left thinking he died. Only these few dudes stayed and were like,

"Woot Beowulf."

So they all walked back to Herot with Grendels mom's head. And everyone was like,

"Ooooo ahhh.Beowulf"

And then Hrothgar said,

"Yay!"

And Beowulf said,

"You're a cool king, here's a sword I found."

Hrothgar said,

"Beowulf, you rock."

And then they all had more mead and went to sleep. In the morning, Beowulf was like,

"I gotta go but just like call me, kay?"

"Aight, call me too kay?"

So everyone gave Beowulf stuff and then he left! And Hrothgar was sad. Poor Hrothgar.

They got on their boat and sailed back to the happy land. They were happy because they got to see their queen, Higd. Well, they saw their king too, Higlac. Everyone got mead and Higlac said,

"Dude, how's it hanging?"

"Good, good. Killed some monsters, drank some mead, got some cool stuff. Here, you can have it."

Then Higlac gave Beowulf some stuff for the stuff.

Later on, Higlac died, then his son, so Beowulf became king. Yay!

Then one day, Trogdor a dragon woke up because some poor dude stole a cup from him. So then Trogdor the dragon started to burn down thatched roof cottages houses!!11

So Beowulf deicide to go and totally kill Trogdor the dragon and said,

"I'm old. I'm gonna kill this dragon kay?"

And then Trogdor the dragon said,

"Rawr!!11"

And then beat Beowulf up and everyone ran away expect Wiglaf. He helped old geezer Beowulf to fight Trogdor the dragon. But then Beowulf got bit! ONO! So Wiglaf totally sworded Trogdor the dragon and then Beowulf fell over dead. But he talked for a really long time and made Wiglaf king for totally awesome swording. Then he died.

So everyone was sad and made a tower for him, then they went off to war and died.

THE END!!!111


End file.
